Time is moving so fast right now. Londynn started daycare this month and Layden starts kindergarten Friday. SO much change. And I do not deal well with change. I may advocate for it in politics and social issues, but I hate it in my personal life. HATE IT. Sometimes I get rebellious and threaten to do away with schedules, but the truth is, I’d be a wreck without them.
I’m so tired. And I don’t even know how to gauge my life right now. Sometimes I can say it is great and other times, I feel like it takes all my energy just to get through the damn day. My mood seems to swing wildly. If I’ve pushed through a large project or made it through the gauntlet of doctor appointments, housecleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, diapering, karate classes, bedtime stories, laundry, etcetera in any given week, then I feel like, “I’ve got this.” But something like a sink full of dishes, or a baby’s double ear infection (the ailment du jour) can send me reeling into the land of second guessing and discouragement. The hardest part is dealing with it alone for several days a week when hubby has to work several hours away. It really gives me a whole new respect for single parents.
So here we are. My baby needs tubes. I need to lose 20 pounds. My son needs to learn to sleep in his bed. I need to eat better and exercise. I’ve got a year’s worth of scrapbooking backed up. I’ve got 4 websites that need to be designed and countless other print jobs. I would not want it any other way. I don’t say that because I am trying to convince myself of it. I really, truly love every element that composes this crazy life. And I know that the days are long, but the years are short. As for the work, I’d rather stress about how will I get it done than when will it come in.
Lastly, as if the world knows when you need a lift, I’ve been so very touched by the random acts of kindness by not one but 3 very special friends. Lovely little gifts and messages in the form of cookies, a journal and a unicorn that just made the world at that time seem a bit more bearable. Even beautiful. I intend to pay it forward, because I know how much such acts can mean. It makes the difference between choosing to smile and choosing to be unhappy.
To say goodbye to an old friend and spend the day with a good friend. To smell the hair of my sleeping daughter. To drink a cup of coffee in silence. To make soup while watching rain. These are the good things. Stitched together, every day, weaving a good life.